[Editor’s Note: In advance of the release of their new Will Hoge-produced album Marigold on Feb. 23, 2024, Bedford, MA singer-songwriter Molly O’Leary pens an essay about how quitting their job led to fulfillment as a musician and therapist.]
On being a quitter by Molly O’Leary
In June of 2023, I quit my job. What a thrill. I highly recommend everyone quits a job at least once in their lifetime (unless you are one of the lucky few who land a dream job on the first swing). For me, I quit a job that was physically and emotionally taking a severe toll. The feeling of daily dread was getting bigger and bigger, until it was far too much.
Sometimes I write a song and then a few weeks or months later it happens. It’s a strange experience, and sometimes it’s not always the best thing. For example, I’ve written a couple sad songs and not understood why, only to be hit with a wave of depression or anxiety soon after. But there is a song on the upcoming record that ended up being a happy prophecy.
The album’s last track, “I Deserve To Be Here,” manifested my momentous exit from my prior school job. “I’ve gotta learn to fall, if I wanna learn to fly. I think I’ve gotta quit my job. I’ve gotta try.” I wrote that in the Fall of 2022 and laughed. Yeah, okay, Molly. That won’t ever happen. Until it did. That 2022-2023 school year broke me down until I hit rock bottom. When I finally realized I deserved better, the pieces started to fall into place. I quit the job, set up my private practice to work as a therapist a few days a week, and got serious about music.
I’ve always been terrified to do music seriously. I guess because I didn’t want to fail. And also because music has been so precious to me. It saved my life so many times, and I didn’t want to ruin it by making it into a job. In hindsight, I think I was selling myself short. But now I know what I can handle, and I’m ready to keep diving deep.
My life looks so different than it ever has. This is my first time ever not being in school. I went to school as a kid, then I went to college, then I went to grad school, and then I worked in a school for 4 years. I have an insane amount of respect for anyone who works in a school right now. It is so hard, and I hope more policy work can be done to support school staff and students in Massachusetts and nationally. But for me, my path was to get the heck out! The education system is inherently flawed. It can be racist, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, fatphobic, classist, etc. To be free from that system finally is the best thing I ever did for my health.
Monday through Wednesday I work long days as a therapist for kids and adults, mostly who identify as queer. When I opened my practice as a nonbinary therapist, I was flooded with requests. I was (stupidly) surprised. We need more queer therapists desperately. My clients’ honesty and vulnerability is humbling. I am incredibly grateful to witness and support their journeys. They are so courageous. I wish they didn’t have to be so courageous, but the world can be cruel. Still, they fight on… On Thursdays, I do paperwork, and I teach a guitar lesson to a middle school kid. She eats up everything I show her. Seeing the passion in her eyes keeps mine alive, too. Then, by Thursday evening and into Sunday, I play lots of shows, write songs, and of course make time to hang out with my family, friends, and cats. I plan a few tours a year that are outside of my Massachusetts stomping grounds, and my clients have been so supportive of me taking a few weeks to hit the road every several months.
I can feel things again now that I’m not numb and burnt out. I don’t get sick as often, and my chronic pain isn’t chronic anymore. I write all the time. I laugh. I cry. It’s not always easy, but I finally feel like I’m living.
So in summary, this therapist is telling you to quit your shitty job.
Molly O'Leary
Contributor
Molly is a singer-songwriter based in Bedford, MA
